Another Day, Just Breathe

Telepopmusik - Breathe from astute_class_submarine on Vimeo.

So yesterday I started the morning with three or four reject e-mails. One was from a job I applied to back in July. Nice of the them to let me know but really? It's October. I don't ever remember the company. I keep my hopes up on a job for about 6 weeks and then I call it quits, so I kind of gave up on this one ages ago. Nice to get the additional friendly inbox remember that I'm completely useless though.

Seriously, why bother getting up to just be slapped down every morning. That's why sometimes it's good to listen to this song by Telepopmusik. It reminds me it's another day and to "just breathe" and "just believe." I like to think it is telling me to believe that this mental hell will have an end. Yes, yes I realize there are way worse scenarios to be in and that people all over the world have it way worse than me. But there is a reason why people are terrified of solitary confinement. It means that it is just them left alone with their minds. The feeling of wasting a mind that you feel has so much potential and that you are wanting, nay- begging, to share with the world while it goes on completely satisfied ignoring you, can be so discouraging.

The worst is at night when I can't turn my mind off and it just goes on and on- worrying, calculating, arguing with itself. And there you are. Left in a sleepless misery of your own doing. I'm pretty sure my mind is my worst enemy at this point.
Then again, Helen Keller said that self pity is our worst enemy...

Getting back to this song- although I like it- what it should say is, "another day, just breathe, just get out of bed, and actually make the dang bed." Because never mind how hard it is to actually get up every morning with the feeling of why bother, I'm just going to do the exact same thing I do every day and rack up my millionth and one job application with no luck, etc, etc. But to actually MAKE the bed after you get up- hah! Talk about having the feeling of why bother! At the beginning of my job search I was so good about everything too. Setting my alarm at 7:30am to get up and be productive. Then 7:30 turned into 8am and then 9am and then 9:30am. And most of the time I only get up then so I can catch the 30min language learning program on PBS that comes on in the morning so that I feel like if I don't get a job then at least I didn't totally waste the day and got to improve my Spanish or learn more French or pretend to have a clue at all about deciphering German.

I think us educated + unemployed types should bond together and set up a calling system where we are each responsible for calling one person each morning in a similar state and making them get up, and then making them make their bed while they are at it. None of us feel like doing it, but at least if you had someone on the phone every morning reminding you that you should suck it up and get up anyway, you'd at least feel a little more guilty if you didn't. Maybe. Ok so who wants to go first and call me tomorrow and make me get up? Takers? Takers? Don't think I won't call your lazy butt at some god-awfully early time like 8:15am and do the same.

Oh ya, and now I am getting a cold too.

Great.

e+u